Silent sounds...
I can handle the silence
The lost words
That used to fill my heart
Are not arriving at my doorstep
Anymore...
I walk slowly and listen for you
Falling into silence
I break into a deep sigh
And feel alone again
Wondering if you are thinking
At all about me
Or if the distance between us has
Meant nothing
Close to what it has meant
To me
Better left unsaid
Unsaid words
No....just said too late
When i approached my feelings from
A angle of despair
Never would i have walked this path
Toward you
Leading to a flourishing feeling of love
That overcame me
Consumed thoughts
Surrounded by warmth
Your eyes, smile, laugh
Will be missed in my heart
And treasured forever
In my soul
Healing
I couldn't have said the words sooner
To face the reality
Of letting you escape my world
Never to know how you are
Where your heart is,
If you are loved
Never again to face the closeness of how i felt
The moment i allowed you into my world
An instant collision
I'm letting you go
The universe will not allow
Our worlds to collide again
The stars will never be in the same space again
And i will look for healing
To mend my broken heart
Walking away
I can hold on to the memory
Or let it soar away with the wind
Forgetting the feeling you gave me
When our eyes connected
Wondering how to cope
Without you in my life
No future foreseen
Or feelings of love understood
I walked away silently
Screaming inside
Finding my life
So empty without you
Poetry – December 2009
sun is life
as we sit in our windows of our worlds
and look out
only our eyes can truly see what we are feeling
life continues to pass us by
without any thought to why the sun rises and sets each day
we often wonder what we could have done
what we could have been
and feel the sadness in our hearts
when everything remains stagnant
Chillero
when the dawn breaks
life starts to get hectic and there is no time to talk
there is no time to stop and taste the bittersweet coffee
and smell the aroma that wafts through the kitchen
as you rush through the door and wish me a good day
i realized how much time we waste at work
and how much we need to chilero -
in true guate style
time left me
when i saw you lying there
so still, so alone, so cold
i felt like i was losing my mind
frozen in time - we drove to work together
we laughed and cried - together
separated now by time
i would apologize if i could see you again
and own up to not seeing you one last time
before you left our world
you rest in peace above all of us
and you continue to motivate me to be myself
and be true to myself
time left me - and i missed it then
but never will again
Becoming silenced
why would you think i would have anything to say?
when grouped together to believe it impossible
to speak our words
to feel trapped into a cage of misery
and feel left out of your own skin
and not be able to voice whats inside
nothing could have been worse
to realize the words might not have made a difference
but to understand they would have to you
take me for granted
go ahead - take me for granted
i'll put my blood sweat and tears into this
and you can walk away and replace me with another number
as that's how i feel when not recognized for what i've done for you
and wish that you knew
how much it hurt to hear the words
it was someone else that did better or less
i pretended it was ok
and the four walls stayed the same day after day
and you had no idea how much you were being blinded by
your own
World rotation
i'm missing you
on the other part of the country
being on the concrete and listening to the sound of my steps
knowing you walk those same steps on the pacific
we should be walking together
we should be talking together
now being away from your eyes, your face your laugh
i shy away from the thoughts of leaving you that day
and hit the road to you - so near so far
thoughts can lead to you each day
focused on what we have had for years
missing what we have in the present
as i'm not there
until the sun and earth rotate
to bring us together again
Worlds Collide
our worlds collided in without a moment's notice
and our eyes met to feel it
i looked back as you saw what i saw
and felt the same fear you must have
at that moment
standing here on the shore with the sound of the waves
listening to the water
listening to my heart
i wondered if you were beside me if you would
look into my eyes with that emotion
or if you would walk away from it all.
untitiled
If i found my self
inside of the earth's crust
and sought out the gems that know me
i might be alone - feeling the wind against my cheeks
chilling my earlobes
answers still unknown
quetions to scared to ask
leaving it alone to continue on
and pace myself to the sound of the
clocks
wondering when time will be on my side
![Picture](/uploads/4/4/6/9/4469526/7073108.jpg)
I wonder what I would say to you
if it was the last time I would see you
my father – the reason why I’m alive
you gave me so much when I was growing up
believed in me but showed me in your own way
how you loved me
I didn’t need the words, I didn’t need the money or gifts
I just needed to know you were there to protect and love me
When I gave up and walked away
It didn’t’ mean I didn’t love you – I had to do what was right for me
I had to save me
I know I let you down
I know you wanted so much more from me – that I just could not succumb to
I’ll remember it all – and love you for all you have done
If it wasn’t for you
I would not be the woman I am today
moment of truth
Running away from the disaster
That was created for us
And surrounded my thoughts for too long
No choice was made
That was carefully thought or planned
It was just made
To save myself
And be myself
To state how far away I was from you all
And how urgent it was for me to find within
The truth –
That none of you have ever been able to accept
if it was the last time I would see you
my father – the reason why I’m alive
you gave me so much when I was growing up
believed in me but showed me in your own way
how you loved me
I didn’t need the words, I didn’t need the money or gifts
I just needed to know you were there to protect and love me
When I gave up and walked away
It didn’t’ mean I didn’t love you – I had to do what was right for me
I had to save me
I know I let you down
I know you wanted so much more from me – that I just could not succumb to
I’ll remember it all – and love you for all you have done
If it wasn’t for you
I would not be the woman I am today
moment of truth
Running away from the disaster
That was created for us
And surrounded my thoughts for too long
No choice was made
That was carefully thought or planned
It was just made
To save myself
And be myself
To state how far away I was from you all
And how urgent it was for me to find within
The truth –
That none of you have ever been able to accept
Zoom in
I’m out of focus
I can’t see too far ahead
And don’t want to look too far behind
To see what I left
In a mess of tragedy
In scope of the light that was left shining
Behind you when you walked out the door
To get back aligned
My vision is blurred
Head is scattered with thoughts of you
With thoughts of the world
Thoughts of the end
And not wasting time
Come back to reality – clear, salt, sugar
Wanting it all at once
Don’t be confused by the reality surrounding
And see through the stars above
1992-2000 - a collection of poetry
1992
Star
Sight
On a clear crisp night
You can see the sky
Raise your head, smell the
breeze
Watch the plane above you
Soar like a bird
To be free and open –
Alone in the sky no eyes upon you
Just the shining knowledge
Of the stars
For they know what it is
like
And they know how you
feel
Calm
It is wild and untamed
During the broad light of day
Frustrated, full of
anger
The crashing waves express their
rage
And underestimate the time they are in
But the crescent moon soon appears
To calm them down
Everything is smooth
Everything is quiet once
again
The waves have been chased away,
and
The sea’s alter image appears –
Shining in the moonlight
Will the sea ever learn
It cannot have two
faces?
Yet to choose one
One must die
In the end, it will be alright, everything will be
calm…
Just
Smile
Please? Just one
more time..
for me
oh I love your smile
so bright and radiant
you light this room up
with the glow of those pearls
straight from the exotic ocean
by the promised land
nothing could be better to see
in this troubled world
your smile chases away
all of my problems today
so please….smile for me
again
Loose
Ends
This should never have
happened
it should not have grown so large
this space located
between our hearts and souls
has pushed this love so far apart
the separation of two
worlds
so different
they saw us as opposite sights
pointing toward different horizons
we knew where we were
together as always
yet the only rope remained
that tied us together
I hung on but you let go –
and left me
alone
if the space were narrow
the rope might not be
cut
if we should meet once more
nothing will ever be the
same
Don’t Give
Up
You are worth
the time to succced
the strength of
your heart
has pushed you
beyond your limits
the barrier ahead
cannot slow you down
your power and
love will
help you through
those times
and you will
make it
to the other side
Living
In our world
We spend too much time worrying
about unnecessary problems
in our lives
precious time is wasted
trying to be better
than one another
come with me and
we’ll relax for once
and enjoy each other’s smile
take the time and look
at yourself –
then let your heart
live
Solitary
Pain
Time has punished me
in the cruelest way
it has had me thinking
of you each day
my mind will not let it
slip far away
as much as I wish
to forget it today
why must I face
this wince of pain
an unusual case
of memory stain
you have marked my life
forever perhaps
through struggle or
strife
or a relapse
I know I can conquer these thoughts in my
head
I will forget you
someday
Or love you instead
I often
wonder
I often wonder
if you think of me
remembering the itmes
that used to be
do you look outside
up at the sky
wish on a star
and wonder why
we grew so far apart so
soon
I think of you when
I look to the moon
would you look at me
straight in the eye
or walk right on
and pass me by
the years go on
yet time stood still
I have meant to call
I have hopes you will
One day, my friend
our paths will cross
and my heard will mend
this terrible loss
I wonder too often
if you considered me
just remember the times
of you and me
Regret
I stood outside
in the bitter cold
watched the leaves fall down
watched myself grow old
continuing to condemn
my stubborn mind
searching for a way
for my life to find
the way it meant
to go at first
that road was bent
and my decision burst
I wanted to stay
And tell you about it
To show you the way
But my feelings did doubt it
The remorse is felt
And I cannot go on
It is much too late
As you have now gone
Unity
Not a word has been shared
Between our opposing
worlds
It is as if neither
cared
Of what has caused the
collision
Search deep into the heart of
The important matter
And remember the eyes or
The feelings that
shatter
We dispose them
away as
It scares us to death
No explanations said and
No conclusions are met
How is the strength
found
To just ignore this
power?
Is it merely a hoax, or
A cold April shower?
There must be more to
understand
There must be something for us to
mend
What was the destiny given to
us?
Why did our earth’s
collide
Without any warning or
trusts
For only one reason, was why it
occurred
For me to love you, and you to
concur
Falling
Oh no….i think I am
about…
To
Fall
Down deep…..deep into
The black darkness of
life…
Who is going to stop me?
Who will catch me when I reach the
end?
How will I know when to hang
on
And prevent myself from falling down, down down,
Into this reluctant nature of the role I play
In this movieland of
life!
Empty Fields
Oh somebody reach out to
me
Hold me, tell me what went
wrong
Why does the glory
of love sit her in pieces
Shattered at the soles of my
feet?
It has left the heaven of the
hearts
Which gratefully once lived on a blade of
grass
Now the field is left empty – the truths moved
away
Never again shall we run through our field of dreams
together
Never shall we meet on the same path of
life
The Feeling Lives On
I have gone on
Living my life day to
day
Thinking of you in the
morning
Yet forgotten by night
I try hard to get you out
But my obsessive mind
Cannot let go of the
feeling
The feeling you gave to me
And I gave to you
Only when our eyes met
So privately the passion
grew
So honestly we never
knew
It is too late now
It is all over and done
I leave the never touched
Possibility of us together
And move on with my life
Allowing the feeling
To live in my heart
forever
1992
Star
Sight
On a clear crisp night
You can see the sky
Raise your head, smell the
breeze
Watch the plane above you
Soar like a bird
To be free and open –
Alone in the sky no eyes upon you
Just the shining knowledge
Of the stars
For they know what it is
like
And they know how you
feel
Calm
It is wild and untamed
During the broad light of day
Frustrated, full of
anger
The crashing waves express their
rage
And underestimate the time they are in
But the crescent moon soon appears
To calm them down
Everything is smooth
Everything is quiet once
again
The waves have been chased away,
and
The sea’s alter image appears –
Shining in the moonlight
Will the sea ever learn
It cannot have two
faces?
Yet to choose one
One must die
In the end, it will be alright, everything will be
calm…
Just
Smile
Please? Just one
more time..
for me
oh I love your smile
so bright and radiant
you light this room up
with the glow of those pearls
straight from the exotic ocean
by the promised land
nothing could be better to see
in this troubled world
your smile chases away
all of my problems today
so please….smile for me
again
Loose
Ends
This should never have
happened
it should not have grown so large
this space located
between our hearts and souls
has pushed this love so far apart
the separation of two
worlds
so different
they saw us as opposite sights
pointing toward different horizons
we knew where we were
together as always
yet the only rope remained
that tied us together
I hung on but you let go –
and left me
alone
if the space were narrow
the rope might not be
cut
if we should meet once more
nothing will ever be the
same
Don’t Give
Up
You are worth
the time to succced
the strength of
your heart
has pushed you
beyond your limits
the barrier ahead
cannot slow you down
your power and
love will
help you through
those times
and you will
make it
to the other side
Living
In our world
We spend too much time worrying
about unnecessary problems
in our lives
precious time is wasted
trying to be better
than one another
come with me and
we’ll relax for once
and enjoy each other’s smile
take the time and look
at yourself –
then let your heart
live
Solitary
Pain
Time has punished me
in the cruelest way
it has had me thinking
of you each day
my mind will not let it
slip far away
as much as I wish
to forget it today
why must I face
this wince of pain
an unusual case
of memory stain
you have marked my life
forever perhaps
through struggle or
strife
or a relapse
I know I can conquer these thoughts in my
head
I will forget you
someday
Or love you instead
I often
wonder
I often wonder
if you think of me
remembering the itmes
that used to be
do you look outside
up at the sky
wish on a star
and wonder why
we grew so far apart so
soon
I think of you when
I look to the moon
would you look at me
straight in the eye
or walk right on
and pass me by
the years go on
yet time stood still
I have meant to call
I have hopes you will
One day, my friend
our paths will cross
and my heard will mend
this terrible loss
I wonder too often
if you considered me
just remember the times
of you and me
Regret
I stood outside
in the bitter cold
watched the leaves fall down
watched myself grow old
continuing to condemn
my stubborn mind
searching for a way
for my life to find
the way it meant
to go at first
that road was bent
and my decision burst
I wanted to stay
And tell you about it
To show you the way
But my feelings did doubt it
The remorse is felt
And I cannot go on
It is much too late
As you have now gone
Unity
Not a word has been shared
Between our opposing
worlds
It is as if neither
cared
Of what has caused the
collision
Search deep into the heart of
The important matter
And remember the eyes or
The feelings that
shatter
We dispose them
away as
It scares us to death
No explanations said and
No conclusions are met
How is the strength
found
To just ignore this
power?
Is it merely a hoax, or
A cold April shower?
There must be more to
understand
There must be something for us to
mend
What was the destiny given to
us?
Why did our earth’s
collide
Without any warning or
trusts
For only one reason, was why it
occurred
For me to love you, and you to
concur
Falling
Oh no….i think I am
about…
To
Fall
Down deep…..deep into
The black darkness of
life…
Who is going to stop me?
Who will catch me when I reach the
end?
How will I know when to hang
on
And prevent myself from falling down, down down,
Into this reluctant nature of the role I play
In this movieland of
life!
Empty Fields
Oh somebody reach out to
me
Hold me, tell me what went
wrong
Why does the glory
of love sit her in pieces
Shattered at the soles of my
feet?
It has left the heaven of the
hearts
Which gratefully once lived on a blade of
grass
Now the field is left empty – the truths moved
away
Never again shall we run through our field of dreams
together
Never shall we meet on the same path of
life
The Feeling Lives On
I have gone on
Living my life day to
day
Thinking of you in the
morning
Yet forgotten by night
I try hard to get you out
But my obsessive mind
Cannot let go of the
feeling
The feeling you gave to me
And I gave to you
Only when our eyes met
So privately the passion
grew
So honestly we never
knew
It is too late now
It is all over and done
I leave the never touched
Possibility of us together
And move on with my life
Allowing the feeling
To live in my heart
forever